A major spiritual paradigm shift has made eating healthier easier for me. I am an emotional eater. Maybe I should preface that with “My name is…” and confess my compulsion to food while standing in front of a group of my peers battling the same urges. Food is an emotional elixir for so many people, some of whom actually become physically addicted. But you won’t find us “carb-oholics” sitting at a bar drowning our troubles in pints of beer. We’d rather belly up to the buffet stuffing our sorrows with pints of Haagen Daas. We may not need a designated driver after our self induced pity party but that doesn’t make us any better than barflies, addiction is addiction be it Moonshine or Moonpies.
Ahhh, Moonpies… sugar, white flour (plus a few unpronounceable ingredients) dipped in chocolate and calling my name. It’s not just any food that leaves us feeling better emotionally, it’s the refined carbohydrates like cakes and cookies, bagels and biscuits, pasta and pizza, the list goes on. At one point I was so stuffed with my carb loaded feelings that I ballooned up to 230 pounds prompting me to try one diet after another in desperation. From calorie and carb counting to points, it didn’t solve the underlying issue. Diets were nothing more than band-aids applied to overeating while ignoring the deeply rooted cause, in my case, feeling worthless.
All my life I have subconsciously been a “pleaser” with one goal in mind, getting the attention and approval of others. But what I got was never enough and as I got older I found myself buried under a mountain of repressed emotions. The self worth and confidence necessary to express my true feelings without fear of disapproval, were non-existent.
It was that fear of disapproval that triggered my midnight run to the Krispy Kreme Drive-Thru (in my robe and slippers no less). In need of acceptance and approval, I had suppressed my true emotions. Take it from me; negative feelings don’t go down well all by themselves. Hence, the necessity of a trip in the dead of night to my dealer…I mean doughnut shop, for a box of glazed doughnuts to help stifle my anger.
Still warm, they melted in my mouth like butter in a hot frying pan making it way too easy for the bottled up rage that was stuck in my craw to slide right down my gullet and make itself at home in my gut. One dozen doughnuts and ten sticky fingers later, repression was complete. Another negative reaction to a situation neatly tucked away. Or so it seemed. There was just one little detail that I had overlooked. Shove anything volatile into a closed space and it will eventually explode. Negative emotions are no exception. Discharged repression leaves depression in its wake. Every bit as physiological as it is psychological; depression can actually cause cravings for carbohydrates because of a serotonin shortage. High carb foods have been shown to make us feel better because they increase the serotonin in our brains. So, where does spirituality factor into this equation? Spiritual consciousness = Love, the antidote to fear!
Afraid of being abandoned and unloved, I sought the approval of others by creating a facade and adapting my behavior to what I thought they wanted. Getting the approval was a temporary fix; after all, they were approving of my facade not me. So, in search of more approval I went, finding it at Krispy Kreme (damn that 24-hour drive-thru). I know, I know…doughnuts aren’t capable of approval and love. But they are capable of making me feel very, very good. Those short lived imitation good feelings were quickly followed by the guilt of gluttony, bringing back those thoughts of worthlessness with a vengeance. There I was feeling empty again, seeking approval, not getting it, (or getting it and it still wasn’t enough) followed by a white flour, white sugar fix. When the ensuing sugar high plummeted the vicious cycle started again. Before I knew it I had been sucked into the eddy of emotional overeating.
What saved me from drowning and what continues to save me is being conscious of the ego and the thoughts I believed about my unworthiness. That consciousness is God within me. That awareness keeps me aligned with the truth. And corny as it may sound, the truth has truly set me free, free to accept the love that's always been within me instead of searching outside of me. That love makes me feel better than any carb could. I'm thinking that spiritual awareness causes some kind of boost in brain chemicals too.
Now, even when I do feel those long lost hunger pangs I eat 90-100% raw food eliminating the classic refined carb highs & sugar lows which trigger the cravings. Keep in mind that the less processed what you eat is (let’s face it, everything labeled food is not), the more nutritional value it has. The very best food is organic produce right out of the ground (as in your own garden), second best is local organic produce from co-ops, farmer’s markets or farms and third is organic produce from the grocery store. At the very least eat as much of your food fresh and unprocessed as possible.
Before eating anything ask yourself if it’s real food and remember that becoming more spiritually conscious won’t cost you a dime. There’s no joining or signing up, no measuring portions or counting calories. If your emotional plate is full, don’t wash it down with food. Get up from that meal of repressed emotions and nourish your soul with prayer and meditation. Satisfy that “sweet tooth” with yoga or tai chi instead of dessert and stay in the moment. If you are an emotional eater, acknowledging and following the guidance of the divine spirit within you could be the key that opens the door to healthier eating.
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